“A happy wife leads to a happy life.” But how do we make our partner happy? What is it that will achieve that happiness in another person? In a recent session with a couple, the wife talked about missing emotional support. Her husband felt that he was doing well by completing projects and solving problems. He did not understand that his partner did not need or only want that from him. And yet he did not know how to give of himself emotionally. There was an impasse in their relationship.

A recent article in the Globe and Mail talked about ‘emotional supply and demand’. While in the past, we might get what we needed emotionally not just from our partner but also the extended community. This would include extended family, outside activities with friends, church groups etc. Now we are too busy to access these supports, if they are even available. According to this article minutes per month can achieve some of what we might be missing in our relationship.

Here are some strategies to improve your relationship:

  1. Holding hands.  When instructed to hold their partner’s hand, the person who had been touched reported being more confident and loved by the other.
  2. Do not jump to conclusions. If your partner does something wrong, don’t immediately draw a negative conclusion. Think of possible alternative explanations.
  3. Once a week write down a few things your partner has done to invest in the relationship. This will contribute to increased gratitude  by your partner
  4. Don’t discount a compliment. Ask yourself what that compliment meant to you and your relationship.
  5. When your partner tells you about something positive in his or her day, get excited about it and encourage them to talk about the event and how it impacted them.

Just minutes a month can result in improvement in your relationship. Should problems in your marriage continue seek out counselling.

Alter, Stuckler & Associates are a team of registered psychologists and a social worker that provide compassionate psychological care. We have provided service to individuals, couples and families from Thornhill, Markham, Vaughan and throughout the Greater Toronto Area for more than 30 years. Have a question for our team? Contact us today.