Recently I read an article that spoke of the research on parental stress. This article reported that stressed out parents negatively impact their child’s self-esteem, mental health and sense of security. In our waiting room, we are witness to this phenomenon. The more agitated and anxious the parent, the more anxious and agitated the child.
We all understand that parenting is a demanding job, with long hours, limited positive feedback and limited immediate gratification. One study quoted in the article suggested that in Europe 7% of parents are suffering from burnout. This study noted that burnout is defined as severe exhaustion, deriving no satisfaction from being a parent and distancing oneself from the children. Mothers suffered burnout more than fathers, but fathers did account for 30% of the cases. Those parents that were most at risk for burnout were perfectionists with limited social support. They were also highly invested in their children and expected a lot from them. Another consistent trait was guilt… parents who felt that they could not measure up to their own standards, let alone what they thought society expected of them. Depression and anxiety were also identified in these parents, both as a predetermining risk factor but also as a consequence of burnout. While some of these parents had fantasies about running away, thinking that their families would be better off without them, we know that parents cannot resign from this job.
So how do we address this problem? Urge parents who are struggling to cope to seek help. Maybe parents need to be a little selfish sometimes’ and see self-care as a parenting practice that makes life better for their children. In addition, find a trusted babysitter and do not feel guilty about it.
Alter, Stuckler & Associates are a team of registered psychologists and a social worker that provide compassionate psychological care. We have provided service to individuals, couples and families from Thornhill, Markham, Vaughan and throughout the Greater Toronto Area for more than 30 years. Have a question for our team? Contact us today.
