The teen years are tough. Those of us who’ve been through them know. There is the hormonal changes, “drama” with peers, and the battle with parents for increased independence and freedom – just to name a few of the struggles. Moreover, now everything is magnified by social media. With this added pressure, it is harder to be a teen now than ever before. During these tumultuous years, teenagers’ relationships with their parents can become strained.

Here are four ways to help keep your relationship with your teenager intact:

  1. Keep the lines of communication open – You might not always like what your teen has to say but it is important that they feel they can confide in you. That way you can help them make good choices and assist them in times of struggle. Their peer group is such a strong source of influence during these years that if you can have a voice too (and ideally be a voice of reason), your teen will listen to your advice.
  2. Try not to judge – It’s hard not to judge our teens choices, especially when we don’t agree with them. It is possible they aren’t happy with themselves either but have too much pride to let you know.  Try to keep an open mind and be willing to consider all sides. Furthermore, try to be mindful of your tone and body language as you listen to them.
  3. Spend quality time together – When the relationship is strained, the last thing you may want to do is spend time with your teen, especially if most of that time is spent arguing. All relationships get stuck in a rut. Suggest doing an activity your teen enjoys (movies, dinner, ice cream, shopping). Whatever it is, it is a way to spend it together doing what they enjoy and a way to break the cycle of fighting.
  4. Try to empathize (whether or not you understand or relate) – For many parents, when their kids complain about something that occurred on social media (i.e., a friend deleted pics of your teen, a friend of theirs posted pics of a get together they weren’t invited to), they don’t understand why it’s a big deal. Regardless of whether you can understand where your teen is coming from, situations like this can be a big deal to them and they want your support and compassion. Using phrases like, “That must be very upsetting” and validating their feelings is important.

Alter, Stuckler & Associates are a team of registered psychologists and a social worker that provide compassionate psychological care. We have provided service to individuals, couples and families from Thornhill, Markham, Vaughan and throughout the Greater Toronto Area for more than 30 years. Have a question for our team? Contact us today.